||[Jan. 4th, 2004|12:48 pm]
|||||Belle And Sebastian - Winter Wooskie, CoCa - neverender||]|
In the past three days I've had two donut, three save-the-chicken wings + juice and soy milk. About two months ago I weighed 113 maybe 115 at some point, now I'm down to 93ish. I mean, honestly...what the fuck, man? I wanna be fat.
I managed to eat those save-the-chicken wings and keep them down so I'm gonna go buy more vegan food today because its one of the few things my stomach likes.
I'm going vegan. I didn't eat anything that came from an animal except dairy products before cause I loved too many things that had moo in it, but lately I've grossed out about dairy just as much as I do any other animal product. And besides, I just don't want to contribute to the factory farming industry.
By the by, Kat is the only person who instant messages me and asks how I'm doing and I respect her for listening and talking to me about it instead of treating me like a suicide bomber. The only people that ever call me are the people I haven't seen in ages and just want marijuana even though I stopped smoking a good 7 months ago? I'm going through a lot right now both mentally and physically and it hurts to know that no one cares enough to just come hang out with me, call me, instant message me and ask me how the hell I'm doing.
I'm sure people care to a certain degree but just don't want to get involved, but it still hurts and I'm honestly not so surprised. I'm at my lowest point right now and it's a hole that's going to be hard to get out of but it would be a hell of a lot easier if I had some people around, some people whos lives don't revolve around drugs. I'm sorry but I was done with you people a long time ago and I'm not risking my health anymore.
If someone handed me a gun and told me I had to either shoot myself, or someone that I know absolutely nothing about, I wouldn't even give it a second thought. I would turn the gun on myself.
I would do anything to save anyone and I wish god would return the favor by giving me a break.